I landed back in England nine days ago after almost a month in California and North Carolina, and I still feel disoriented. I’m thinking deep thoughts pretty much all the time but I can’t seem to make any of them come together into something coherent, and I’m aware I’ve left you hanging so I’m here for a little edition of Into It - something lighter to touch base while I give my soul time to catch up with my body.
The wisdom of your body
I walked my youngest son to his friend’s house this morning, like I always do on school days. From there, they go alone, but I don’t like him walking down the alleyway by himself and I also don’t know when I would get dressed if I didn’t have to leave the house with him at 8:25am - my work doesn’t require me to put clothes on most of the time.
On the way home, I almost put my headphones in, but instead I decided I wanted to listen to birds chirping and the wind in the trees. The weather has been remarkably cold and grey since we got back, and it’s made our re-acclimation to the UK even more jarring than usual.
I walked a longer way home - back through the allotments and up through the top end of our neighbourhood, rather than cutting back through the alleyway. I felt a pull in my left hamstring where the muscle has been tight for weeks; yesterday I couldn’t finish my set of split squats at the gym because I knew I would hurt myself. I need to make an appointment with a physio, or at the very least remember to stretch every night.
I felt my breath shallow, so I slowed it down to a five-eight count.
I thought about all the things that weigh on me in this moment, and I set them to the side, remembered that I don’t have to carry everything heavy at every moment of every day, and I celebrated all the ways I’ve learned to not let worries consume my entire life and all my energy.
Walking helps.
I’m in a TV rut.
Simon was out the other night, so I texted my two sisters to ask what I should watch, but no one had any suggestions - we’re all in a rut. I ended up watching a couple of episodes of the last season of Grace & Frankie. I devoured the first few seasons when they were new, and it’s still funny, but maybe not as funny as it was in the beginning.
But I’m not in a book rut.
In Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where we stayed with some of our best friends, I spent a long hour in McKay’s, which is basically Disney World for book lovers and also for tween and teen boys who like books and old electronics and comics and board games.
I bought The Poisonwood Bible (I made a deal with my friend Sarah that I’d read it - her favorite book - if she’d read The Glass Castle - my favorite) and The Dance of the Dissident Daughter and Ask Again, Yes.
Two nights ago, I finished Dark Matter, which Sarah also told me to read (she loaned me her copy). It’s about a man who’s married and has a child and sometimes wonders what his life would have been like if he’d made different decisions, taken a different road, which is maybe something we can all relate to. One night he’s kidnapped and he wakes up in a lab and gets the opportunity to find out. That’s all I’ll say about it but it’s got quantum mechanics and suspense and romance, so there really is something for just about everyone.
Which makes me think…
What would my life look like if I’d made different decisions?
What if I’d never studied abroad in England, and had ended up marrying someone from North Carolina?
What if I hadn’t sat down on the back pew of that church in 2003 - what if, instead, I’d gone to a different church? Or met someone in London when I went with my sister a couple of weekends later?
What if I’d never gotten married, and had traveled the world alone (which was my original plan before that back pew incident)?
What if we’d stayed in North Carolina in 2009 when I lost my job?
What if I’d stuck with the drama major I’d started college with?
What if Simon had gotten that sound engineering job in London when we moved back, rather than a job at a homeless charity in the suburbs?
What if I’d gotten the job I applied for at The Guardian fresh out of journalism school?
Think back. What are the turning points in your life - the moments you can see hingeing on one decision or one fateful meeting. Imagine your life had gone a different way at that point.
How does it feel to watch it play out in your imagination?
Good coffee.
Probably because we live in an area highly populated by Italians1, we drink a lot of strong, black, Italian coffee. It’s what we love. And the last few times we’ve been to America, we’ve struggled to find a good cup of coffee. I know it’s subjective and a lot of Americans are into their “artisan coffee” or whatever but sometimes it really is just too weak for us.
On this visit, however, we were really pleasantly surprised. We spent the first part of our trip in the San Francisco Bay area and absolutely loved this blend from Philz.
Then, in Winston-Salem, our friends live right around the corner from Ardmore Coffee, where we enjoyed a few takeaway cups and then bought a bag of this to bring home (I’m drinking it on my couch as we speak).
I also got this cute t-shirt.
The Writing Room.
The Writing Room took an accidental break while I was traveling (best-laid plans, etc etc) but we’ll be back soon. Watch out for another email from me with time, date, and topic. Can’t wait to be back together again!
xx
Faith
This is one of my favourite things about where we live. After the second world war, Italians were recruited to come and work in the brick factories here to keep up with the reconstruction boom. Our town of 100,000 people has over 20,000 Italians - the highest concentration of Italians in the UK - which means we have great coffee and great pizza.